I woke up early Saturday morning ... put my hand on my tummy ... and felt it shaking. Nerves. Anxiety. All worked up about the big show and I still had more than 12 hours to go before we performed. Ugh. I thought I had a handle on the stress!!
Good thing my Mom was visiting from New Brunswick to see us dance because she knows me better than anyone. That I get performance-anxiety (ahem) before doing anything of a very public nature or anything that is a challenge. Been like this for years ... before exams, before a date, before going live on TV, and as a kid doing my little dance routines in front of friends.
I headed over to the Victoria Dance Connections studio to do a technical rehearsal with Charles. We had 1/2 hour in the dance space to get a sense of how much of the ballroom we needed to cover ... key places to shake and shimmy ... and also getting a feeling for the floor. It felt slippery to me. I also wasn't breathing, so I wasn't grounded and didn't have my footing.
Charles had all the confidence in the world that we would kick ass. I didn't. Again, just pure, silly fear ... that I knew I had to conquer in order to "bring it". :) And Charles kept reminding me that we are going to have a blast. I also did a lot of yoga breathing (fire nostril breath).
A lot of emotions were going through me that day ... the sense of "blossoming" somehow ... of no longer being simply cerebral and analytical woman ... but of being in my body, re-connected to my creativity and fiery inner power. That's also a vulnerable place to emerge from, though, when it isn't your natural comfort zone.
But something has changed. And I plan to be dancing well into my 80s!