Salsa: Support for Shy Guys

For years, my mother has been telling me to stop going for the outwardly dynamic, charismatic guys ...

She said I need to look at the guys just behind them ... the ones who are kind of shy, perhaps a little bit awkward, but who will demonstrate more kindness and life passion than the ones who have to show it off. (I think she was talking about when she first met my Dad when they were 19). :)

I'm discovering this to be true of those attracted to salsa. It is an incredible outlet for the shy, awkward, and even self-defined dorky guys to learn to be physical with a person, to have to step up and lead a partner, and to not feel weird about being sensual. After all, when they show you the steps and tell you to shake your hips ... well, you shake your hips ... and the best part: nobody laughs at you.

Some of the nicest guys I have met through salsa are self-proclaimed nerds. A lot who work in computer science, engineering ... very cerebral and technical fields they say doesn't allow a lot of room for creativity and sensuality. In comes salsa ... and these guys have a place to shine.

And what a liberating experience for women, too! Because -- at least at Cafe Casablanca -- you can dance and laugh with lots of different people and never feel like someone is going to cop a feel or ogle you. For me, it's like going to a gay bar, except that the guys want to dance with ME! ;)

It's a fascinating socio-anthropological observation: a guy who WON'T strut down the street and put on the ego-centric "dude" charms with the ladies ... can turn into a gentle yet charismatic prince on the dance floor. I've seen it happen with a lot of guys in the classes and at social dancing ... hmmm ... maybe Mom was onto something.

See ... everybody wins at salsa. Come and check it out!

Beginner class followed by social dancing at 8:30pm on Saturdays at Cafe Casablanca.

He's Just a Love Machine

WANTED:

SWF (33) seeking dance partner for social dancing, weddings, and late night “jammies-with-feet” parties. Must demonstrate natural talent. Funky head bobbing an asset. Hair is optional. Please send video of your skills.


RESPONSE:

SWB (4 months) with a big belly (breast milk, not beer, please) and a big heart. Can demonstrate mean head tilt to disco/funk music. Dancing runs in my genes ... sometimes poop runs in my other jeans. Can bring mommy to wipe my drool and change my diaper. Video attached.

Hitting a Wall

They warned me it was going to happen.

That at some point in learning the choreography, I would hit a wall ... that my brain would turn to mush ... that I would forget how to put one foot in front of the other.

They said it could hit me at the 1 minute mark of the routine, the 2 minute mark ... everyone is different. Sure, sure, I replied ... no worries (because I was picking things up pretty well).

And then it happened. During yesterday's rehearsal, I turned into a total spazz.

I couldn't remember any of the cool footwork we spent an hour working on the day before. I had to go over and over and over it again, first without music, and then with music, and then without music again but slower so I could master it. I got dizzy after each spin. I could barely even speak. I felt like I had never danced before. It was ... weird.

Admittedly, I was a bit distracted. I haven't gotten much sleep recently, and we just found out CBC was cutting 800 jobs across the country. And I guess it all just hit me. And it was a hard rehearsal. And waking up at 6:30am to go to the studio isn't enough ... time to step up my game.

I have videotaped Charles and Christina doing the full routine so I can have a full visual of how it should look. I will put the music from our routine on my IPod and in the car. And a great suggestion was to listen to the music while lying in bed at night, visualizing the routine. And then sleeping with those thoughts.

I am also going to buy a big mirror and practice in my jammies and salsa shoes every night. :)

Taking the Lead

It was my first hurdle in learning to salsa dance: letting a man lead.

Let’s face it, when you’re a career woman in your 30s who has lived alone for years … you get used to assembling your own furniture, changing your own tire, paying the mortgage (or you call your Dad in New Brunswick for advice). A man does not “lead” you.

But it doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be open to someone offering to HELP put the furniture together, holding the spare tire while you work the crank (that‘s what it‘s called, right?), or even deciding to choose the restaurant for a change … that is the “manning-up” part of modern heterosexual courtship and relationships that I argue is influx.

When you hit the dance floor, all of those modern diatribes become tested, particularly in a dance style like salsa.

I’ll admit I didn’t really know what “letting a man lead” meant until it was put into practice. It’s not about a man bossing a woman around the dance floor … it is up to him to offer the woman his hand … and the woman has the choice whether or not to take it.

Consequently, while HE is the one who decides the next move (be it a spin, a lift, a copa, etc.), for it all to work, he has to be CLEAR in his signals. He has to be communicative. He has to be firm yet gentle. And he has to make sure that whatever happens, she is not dropped.

Kind of a metaphor for love, n’est-ce pas?

I think something happened with my generation of men and while this is not a criticism (well hell, yeah ok … it IS a criticism) … I would argue that many women are still waiting for some of this generation's men to “man up”. Be clear in your signals. Be communicative. And for god's sake, don’t drop her.

And maybe even … dare I say it …? “Lead” once in a while.

******************
"Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me."

Ahh, what a beautiful quote from the romantic movie "Hope Floats". But if only it were so simple. After all, ever wonder why they call it the "dance" of love when referring to the confusion around modern love and courtship? Sometimes, I truly wish I could just hear the words, "Just dance. Put on your red shoes and dance ..." (Bowie) and not have to worry about the rest ...

Avoidance or Soul Survival?

I can hear it in their voices ... and in the silence that follows .. when I tell my dear friends and colleagues:

"No, I won't be listening to CBC's big town hall announcement tomorrow that is expected to lay off up to a thousand people in one fell swoop.

"Instead, I will be in the salsa studio, rehearsing, smiling, and basically focussing on all that is life-affirming right now."

They are shocked. And some are a little pissed ... that a TV journalist who has always loved the public broadcaster is actually missing out what is potentially one of the most significant announcements in the CBC's history.

What happens tomorrow could change the face and future of the CBC forever.

Hundreds of respected friends and colleagues could be sacked.

It could even be me.

But if I actually looked at the reality of the situation facing us -- and our industry as a whole -- I'd get pretty depressed.

And so, at 8:45am PT when every CBC employee across the country tunes in to hear what will become of us ...

I will not.

I will be heating up a chilly dance studio with Charles and Christina ...

Trying to finesse the fancy new footwork we learned today ...

Learning to "let go" even more so that Charles can flip/twist/twirl me in the air ...

And I will be smiling ... and having the time of my life.

Because regardless of what happens tomorrow ... regardless of the future of my career, my friends' careers, and the public broadcaster I love so much ... I will be okay. I am young, I am healthy, and I am not afraid of hard work.

Avoidance? Perhaps. The healthiest thing I can do for my soul? Absolutely.

But I'll admit that when our names are announced at the big "Stars on Stage" show on June 6th ... I truly hope that I'm still introduced as "Heather Robinson, CBC Televison Reporter".

A Glimpse Inside Rehearsal

Just a little glimpse inside one of our recent 8am salsa rehearsals.

This is just a little teaser ... we don't want to give away all of the surprises.

Needless to say, this dance is a bit of a battle of wills between the man who wants his woman to dance with him ... and the woman who'd rather just flirt with him ... and then with the audience.

Who will win the battle ...? Come to the show on June 6th to find out! ;)

Taking Flight

So ... kinda back flipped through the air today in salsa rehearsal. How's that for a little teaser?

There will be a few "surprises" in the routine that you see on June 6th ... in that I'll be surprised if I can pull it off in such a way that doesn't make me look like a petrified girl holding onto Charles for dear life as he flips me over top of him! ha ha

But seriously, all it takes is proper technique ... momentum ... and trust in your partner.

Christina is teaching me proper technique ... I will gain momentum the more confident I get with the flip ... and I trust Charles implicitly ... so it will be fine. After that, the key will be making it look smooth, sexy, and easy. No problem, we got this! ;)

But as I flipped upside down this morning -- with blood rushing to my head and squeezing the hell out of my core muscles so as not to hurt my back -- I couldn't help reflecting on an "incident" when I was a teen.

My brother Doug and I thought we were pretty fly hip hop dancers in our early teens. We decided to practice a move we'd seen countless times on music videos: the flip over the back. Obviously, we decided to try this on the street, because the neighbourhood kids were watching. Not on even terrain (downhill). And on pavement.

Over I went onto and over my YOUNGER (and smaller, at the time) brother's back ... his knees buckled ... and I fell back flat on the back of my head. All I heard was a crack. I thought, for sure, that I had broken my head. It was likely just a concussion ... good thing Mom's a nurse.

That was about 18 years ago ... and I haven't flipped in any capacity since then. Except for certain guys over the years, but that's another story ...

Welcome to the next level of my salsa training: flips and tricks. This is liberating. Stay tuned.

**NOTE: I can't help thinking of that beautiful Iron and Wine song "Flightless Bird" from the Twilight soundtrack when writing this. In fact, I would love to dance to that song someday ... hmm, it may mean taking ballroom dance lessons this summer ...