Taking the Lead

It was my first hurdle in learning to salsa dance: letting a man lead.

Let’s face it, when you’re a career woman in your 30s who has lived alone for years … you get used to assembling your own furniture, changing your own tire, paying the mortgage (or you call your Dad in New Brunswick for advice). A man does not “lead” you.

But it doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be open to someone offering to HELP put the furniture together, holding the spare tire while you work the crank (that‘s what it‘s called, right?), or even deciding to choose the restaurant for a change … that is the “manning-up” part of modern heterosexual courtship and relationships that I argue is influx.

When you hit the dance floor, all of those modern diatribes become tested, particularly in a dance style like salsa.

I’ll admit I didn’t really know what “letting a man lead” meant until it was put into practice. It’s not about a man bossing a woman around the dance floor … it is up to him to offer the woman his hand … and the woman has the choice whether or not to take it.

Consequently, while HE is the one who decides the next move (be it a spin, a lift, a copa, etc.), for it all to work, he has to be CLEAR in his signals. He has to be communicative. He has to be firm yet gentle. And he has to make sure that whatever happens, she is not dropped.

Kind of a metaphor for love, n’est-ce pas?

I think something happened with my generation of men and while this is not a criticism (well hell, yeah ok … it IS a criticism) … I would argue that many women are still waiting for some of this generation's men to “man up”. Be clear in your signals. Be communicative. And for god's sake, don’t drop her.

And maybe even … dare I say it …? “Lead” once in a while.

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"Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me."

Ahh, what a beautiful quote from the romantic movie "Hope Floats". But if only it were so simple. After all, ever wonder why they call it the "dance" of love when referring to the confusion around modern love and courtship? Sometimes, I truly wish I could just hear the words, "Just dance. Put on your red shoes and dance ..." (Bowie) and not have to worry about the rest ...